As a child I didn’t grow up thinking I would be a parent coach and a doula.
In fact, I always wanted to be a teacher so it was no surprise that I became a special education teacher in early 2016 teaching in the mod-severe classroom as a new mom. By that time, I had a 3 year old and a newborn working with some of the most difficult students and behaviors of autistic students who ranged from being nonverbal, some aggressive, and working with a staff of 7 to teach 10 students.
It was here that I learned all the things that had to do with behavior, communication, social emotional skills, and my own self regulation in order to do well. Having been raised in an immigrant Belizean household by my own single mother who was quick to yell, throw a shoe, or even whoop us for breathing wrong, a lot of what I was learning and implementing at work challenged my own notions of discipline, parenting, and overall outlook on managing behavior. Those same strategies came into my home and it changed how I interacted with my own children. At first I was under the impression that my children didn’t need as much attention, structure, and strategy to manage their feelings and behaviors.
It wasn’t until my oldest went into kindergarten and we truly saw the challenges of his behavior in the classroom that my newly found skills were put to the test. After getting phone calls from his teachers, having sit downs with principals, and having to come sit in the class to help manage him, I had to get clear on getting his behavior and understanding in order across all environments and not just in my home. We went into bringing all the structure of my classroom into my home so that we could manage his behaviors and enjoy our home life.
We worked diligently to be consistent, and realized whoopings did not work, because his teacher couldn’t respond in that way to correct his behavior. Not to mention, we would whoop him, only for him to do the same thing the following day. We had to learn an overall different approach. It challenged us to be firm, but still gentle. To look at our environment and routines to see how we were contributing to the behavior.
It was in finally getting him diagnosed with ADHD, that I realized how we had to respond to his impulsiveness, defiance, demeanor, and inquisitive mind was closer to how I managed behaviors in my mod-severe classroom than I thought. In this, I saw some of my own behaviors that were similar to those same ADHD diagnoses my son received.
This was around the time the term gentle parenting had hit the streets. But much like my classroom I learned that as a parent we are also teaching our children routines, systems, and habits that they need to navigate the world.
We were not abandoning our values, instead we were restoring them. From my own childhood I knew I wanted connection, communication, and trust with my child.
I didn’t want my children to fear me. I wanted them to come to me with any problem no matter how big or small. To expect me to help and support and not hide things from me like I did my own mother.
This is what prompted me to start my first blog 1Busy Mommy. It was a blog about parenting, self care, discipline, and home life; much like what Tracey Family Services is today.
So in between going to therapy, reading books, including Conscious Parenting by Shefali Tsbary, How to Talk So Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Can Talk, attending training and conferences did I come to understand so much more about the importance of self-regulation and co-regulation, communication, and rewards did we actually make headway with my oldest and revamped his behavior. All the while documenting my journey.
I had to transform myself and my perspective. I began to give out grace, and leaned into what I was able to provide. I just had to remove my requirements, my restrictions, my deadlines, my critiques and allow my children to just be. I had to give out grace and meet everyone where they were with the skills and temperaments that they had and teach them how to meet the standards that were there for them.
I used to be a control freak, an anxiety ridden woman, stretched thin, doing everything, mastering nothing, and then BLAMING everyone around me for it.
I had to release and learn to self manage and do what was realistic and expect realistic around me based on the time, energy, and resources that were available at the time.
I was able to come across other parents and people who also practiced conscious parenting helped me to not feel so alone on this journey my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I were taking to be better parents. I became a go to of sorts with family and friends never quite taking it seriously since I was just on this journey myself.
As my second child was coming of age it was a totally different experience than with our eldest because we now had some information that helped us to navigate our journey with him with fewer bumps, hiccups, and wasted energy.
I realized accomplishment, learning, adventure, newness, intimacy, understanding, was what filled me up. I felt better about myself and more in touch with who I was as a person when I do something hard, when I learn something new, when I feel at peace and doing the thing I love. I felt most in control when I could see myself and when I thought I was matched up to who I showed up in the world.
So in that I started to also coach the parents in my classroom on the behaviors their children were experiencing and help to decrease and stop those problem behaviors and maintain positive behaviors instead. Helping my staff in the classroom to keep their cool and to pivot in certain situations to help de-escalate situations and students faster until it got to the point that there were very few behaviors.
I realized that in my own growth as a parent and as a person that although I have suffered immensely, I have survived and thrived. Even with an ACE score of 8 I have managed to grow and build a thriving family and marriage. I am extremely empathetic and an empath of sorts although I come across as collected and not easily shaken. I am a first generation in a lot of things, I work hard and get things done including taking time to rest and honoring the sabbath. I am a black woman, all natural, that has the name Sheamonique. I command a lot of attention. People have a lot of reasons to remember me and my experience is unique but not rare. There are a lot of mothers who see themselves in me, and I am grateful and honored to be of service.
In that, Fast Forward to 2019, I got engaged, bought a house, and moved to a new city where 1 Busy Mommy became Shea Tracey, doing much of what I did under the previous umbrella but with a slightly different twist because I now worked with students who had emotional and behavioral disturbances who having undergone a lot of trauma now had all these complications and the skills I needed in the mod-severe classroom tripled for me to properly navigate in this world.
What was more compelling to me was that so many of these children were seemingly fine until notable events happened in their childhood that changed their demeanors, their ability to self-regulate, their desire to cooperate with others, and their overall idea of trust in the world.
So many of them also had complications during their pregnancy because their mothers underwent traumatic events and incredible stress that altered their pregnancies and postpartum. It made me think back on my own pregnancies. My first pregnancy was a stress filled one. Navigating being pregnant, as a single mother, setting myself up at the age of 24 was a completely different experience than my second pregnancy, when I had an established career, a loving partner, and now new information and skills after working in my classroom.
Seeing the difference in my own two pregnancies based on life circumstances, my own experiences, and the different levels I had from one pregnancy to the other was another indicator of how my children’s behavior in their younger years were completely different. In that I took on more information and responsibility at work and at home. I was going to make a difference.
If I could believe it, I became even calmer and understanding. I became the child whisperer, unpacking huge and problematic behaviors into positive ones. Working with children who were once deemed difficult and giving them the skills to self-regulate, change their mind, and problem solve their way into being positive little humans. The parents noticed the change and worked with me to double those behaviors over at home and into the community. I revamped my program and that of the entire district changing behavior and the trajectory of lives for families and students. I created lessons, workshops, journals, and trainings to help revamp family dynamics and parenting style to create more positive family environments and experiences.
My studies in this area of behavior management and parenting, in addition to my working with these students and parents is what compelled me to look into infancy and child development of babies and toddlers. A lot of the behaviors that I was dealing with in the classroom were because of the experiences my students had in their early formative years. 0-5 is so crucial… and it clicked how my son was able to pivot in his classroom and his behavior at home because we had unlocked information, resources, and strategies to help him and his behaviors.
So when I was approached by a colleague whose wife is a doula and health educator asking if I ever thought about becoming a doula, I thought…well this is my chance to help children from the very beginning.
What would happen if I could help give mothers the resources they need, the strategies and tools that they could use in their parenting during their pregnancy journey? So I took the class. I became a birth worker and I completed my training as a doula in early 2024 after having helped countless friends and family for the past 10 years with their own pregnancies and births. I had the experience of being a doula, but I officially had the training and the name in tow.
I had learned of the complex and often traumatic experiences these mothers had during their pregnancies and into their postpartum period. Having used the tools that they had at the time, they did their best and it was in learning from our program now 7 and 8 years later were they able to adjust and make the changes necessary to manage their child’s behavior and have happier home lives.
It occurred to me that not all women have the pleasant and simple experiences of childbirth and community that I have. Even after being diagnosed with PCOS at 16 and being told that the likelihood of carrying a child to full term would only have a 10% success rate, I went on to have 2 healthy babies at full term gestation with no complications and easy labors. The word impossible can also be translated to I’m possible. So sitting here with my third on the way, after having completed my doula training, and turning what was once Shea Tracey into Tracey Family Services, I have been able to help more mothers and their parenting journey than ever before.
So I got my first referral that led to my 2nd and third. And when my friends learned that I became a doula and official parent coach they began signing up for services and some of the products sold with Tracey Family Services.
- I help women connect better to their children, their husband, and most importantly themselves.
- I help mothers develop their self awareness, put down their false egos and to tap into their authenticity.
- I help mothers be more intentional with their words, their promises, their journey into motherhood and delivering their impact to their spouse and families.
- I help mothers lay out expectations in ways that help to alleviate their home stress and allow their children to be more independent and confident.
- I help mothers to cope and self regulate so that they can manage themselves and their children with less frustrations and more ease saving time and energy.
So 6 months later and 6 months into my third pregnancy; I have an official offer for doula services and my own parenting program to help mothers of more than 1 child in the areas of pregnancy and parenting. With the information and tools learned in my doula training I realize how in my first pregnancies I didn’t advocate for myself. I wanted to be agreeable and didn’t want to cause any friction. Instead I absorbed it and took on things unnecessarily. In that I want to empower other women to stand up for themselves in the most transformative process of their lives and help them to recognize their own power in their birthing and motherhood experience.